I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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