cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
