Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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