There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
