i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
