Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
