it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
