Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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