You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
