Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
