Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
