two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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