I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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