Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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