I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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