I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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