I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
