And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
