I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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