Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
