It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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