If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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