But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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