Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
