Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize