when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
