woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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