ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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