Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
