I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
