forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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