I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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