You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
