Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
