I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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