I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cockslap morals
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
