Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
