I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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