he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Less talking, more tequila
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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