i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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