Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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