She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
