What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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