She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
