gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
