I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
