before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Send help, water and tortillas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
