im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
