Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
