Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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