Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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