i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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