Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we made out on top of his cat.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
