She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize