Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
