my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
