A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
