Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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