jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
