Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
