Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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