You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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