How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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