Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
