I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
