Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
