u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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