So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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