they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
