I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
