the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
bring money and cleavage
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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