I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
