I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
