Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
