Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize