I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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