I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
