at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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