Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
