im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk is a universal language darling
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
