Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
