I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
