I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
