you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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