Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
