I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
