Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Two words: blizzard sex
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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