Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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