Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
