So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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