What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
