morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize