1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
