How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
