went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize